The story of how your family began — how two people found each other, what that felt like, how they built a life — is one of the most valuable things your family can possess. It is also one of the things most likely to disappear.
Children hear fragments of this story. Grandchildren hear even less. By the time great-grandchildren arrive, the details are largely gone.
These forty questions are an invitation to record that story while both people are here to tell it.
How You Found Each Other
- Where and how did you meet?
- What was your first impression of the other person? Be honest.
- When did you know this was different from other relationships?
- What was the other person like when you fell in love with them?
- What did you love most about them in those early days?
- Was there a moment when you knew you wanted to spend your life with this person?
- What was the proposal or decision to commit like?
- What did your families think?
- What was your wedding (or commitment ceremony) like? What do you remember most?
- What were the early years of your life together like?
Building a Life Together
- What has been the happiest period of your life together?
- What has been the hardest?
- What is the thing you have most weathered together?
- How did having children (if applicable) change your relationship?
- What have you disagreed about most?
- What has held you together during difficult times?
- What is something about the other person that still surprises or delights you?
- What has your partner taught you about yourself?
- What does the other person do that you will always be grateful for?
- What is the funniest thing that has happened to you as a couple?
What You Have Learned About Love
- What do you know now about love that you did not understand when you were young?
- What has your marriage taught you about commitment?
- What has been the most important choice you made as a couple?
- What do you wish you had known earlier about how to be a good partner?
- What does the other person need that you have learned to give?
- What has forgiveness looked like in your relationship?
- What has your life together been built on — what are the foundations?
- What advice would you give to someone just starting a serious relationship?
Your Family
- What do you most hope your children have taken from watching you together?
- What do you hope your grandchildren know about how you loved each other?
- What is the story of your family — not just the events, but what it has stood for?
- Is there something about your relationship that you want your family to understand?
- What do you want people to feel when they think of you as a couple?
Looking Back and Forward
- What are you most proud of in your life together?
- Is there anything you would do differently?
- What does your life together mean to you?
- What do you want your children and grandchildren to know about your love?
- Is there something you want to say to each other, on the record, for your family to hear?
- What does this family stand for? What do you want to pass forward?
- If you could leave one message for the people who will come after you — what would it be?
Recording Together
The most natural format for these questions is a conversation between the two of you, with a recording running. Ask each other the questions. Follow up on each other's answers. Let the dynamic between you — the way you tell stories together, the way you finish each other's sentences or gently correct details — come through in the recording.
That dynamic is itself part of what future generations will treasure.
A phone on the table between you, a quiet evening, and these questions as a starting place is enough to begin. What you build in that recording will outlast everything else you could leave behind.