Your mother's life story is one of the most important things her family will ever possess. Not a summary, not an obituary — the actual story: her voice, her telling, the particular details that no one else would remember to include.
These sixty questions are organized to take her through that story from beginning to end. Use them across multiple conversations. Follow the threads she most wants to follow. Record everything.
The World She Was Born Into
- What year were you born, and what do you know about what the world was like then?
- What were your parents' lives like when you were born? What were they dealing with?
- Where did you grow up? Describe the place — the city or town, what it looked and felt like.
- What was your childhood home like? Walk me through it room by room.
- What did the neighborhood sound like and smell like?
- What was your family's financial situation growing up? How did that shape daily life?
Childhood
- What are your earliest memories?
- What were you like as a child — your personality, your tendencies?
- What did you love to do?
- What were you afraid of?
- What was school like for you?
- Who was your best friend growing up? What did you two do together?
- Who was your favorite teacher, and why?
- Was there an experience in childhood that shaped who you became?
- What did a typical summer feel like?
- What did your family do for fun, for holidays, for ordinary weekends?
Her Parents and Siblings
- What was your mother like — as a person, not just as your mother?
- What was your relationship with your mother like when you were young?
- What was your father like?
- What did your father do for work? What do you remember about how it affected him?
- Did your parents have a happy marriage? What do you remember about how they were together?
- Did you have siblings? What was your relationship like with them growing up?
- Who in your family did you feel most understood by?
- What did your family believe — about life, about how to treat people, about what mattered?
Becoming Herself
- What did you want to be when you grew up? Did that change?
- What was your experience of becoming a young woman? What did that feel like?
- Were there things you wanted that the world was not ready to offer women at the time?
- What happened after high school?
- Was there a turning point in your twenties that changed the direction of your life?
- What was the most significant decision you made in your young adulthood?
- Who were the most important people in your life in your twenties?
- Was there a period when you felt most free, most yourself?
Love and Marriage
- How did you meet the most important person in your life?
- What was your first impression of him?
- What did falling in love feel like during that period of your life?
- What has your marriage taught you about love?
- What has been the hardest part of your marriage?
- What has held you together?
- What do you wish you had understood earlier about relationships?
- What do you know now about love that you want your children to carry forward?
Motherhood
- What was it like when you found out you were going to have a child?
- What surprised you most about motherhood?
- What has been the hardest part of raising children?
- What has been the most joyful?
- What do you hope your children feel when they think about growing up in your home?
- What do you most hope you gave them?
- What do you wish you had done differently?
The Middle Years and Later Life
- How has your sense of yourself changed from young woman to now?
- What has been the hardest period of your adult life? How did you come through it?
- What has surprised you about getting older?
- What do you value now that you did not when you were young?
- What has stayed the same about you throughout your life?
- What are you most proud of when you look back?
What She Wants to Leave
- What is the most important thing you have learned in your life?
- What do you believe about how to be a good person?
- Is there a story from your life that you want to make sure gets passed down?
- What do you want your grandchildren to know about you?
- What do you want your children to understand about who you are?
- What does your family stand for? What do you want to carry forward?
- If you could only leave one message for the people you love — one truth about your life and what you've learned — what would it be?
Making the Most of These Sessions
Use these questions across three or four conversations rather than one long session. Begin each session with something easy and positive. Follow what interests her most — the best material surfaces when the conversation finds its own direction.
Record every session. The voice answering these questions is irreplaceable. Services like LifeEcho can guide your mother through prompts like these by phone, building her story one recording at a time in the format she finds most comfortable.
The story is there. It just needs to be asked for.